I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
