I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
