In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
