let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
