Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
