I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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