at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
