i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
