Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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