Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
