You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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