She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
