well you can't waste a boner
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
