last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
