just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
