I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
