PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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