I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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