I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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