I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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