so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
