they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
