How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
