omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
