Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
