Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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