I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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