So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
