u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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