when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I could fuck to npr.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
