the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
