i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
