I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
