i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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