so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
we're so committed to being not committed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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