wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
