I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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