its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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