Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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