Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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