i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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