so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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