Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
