fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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