we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
