hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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