i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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