4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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