She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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