Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
