How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
