In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
