Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
